well a couple of blue days actually …
since I went to the Rosie to meet my medical people on Wednesday I have felt very unsettled, also not helped that husband is not just unsettled but downright bad moody … maybe he can’t deal with me, with the worry about The Spaniard, with the whole thing or with a whole raft of other things he has going on but the end result is constant ill temper .. which is tough to deal with and sad as I don’t seem to be able to get through to him at all … however … right now The Spaniard is King … or Queen … or rather Ruler of my World and that is the way things need to be.
The appointments the other day went well … long … I have my own heamatologist now – Dr Berry, a rheumatologist and lovely Dr Patient my obstetrician and countless midwives … the only tough thing was that they were all so busy counselling caution and negative news that trying to find a positive approach through all this really is hard.
The tummy injections and aspirin are to stop me having blood clots – apparently the British Govt research shows that of the women that die in pregnancy most of them die through blood clots … and me as high risk … therefore daily injections … getting used to them though my tummy is now sporting 3 colourful bruises … it’s just pushing the needle through that is the tough part!
They also – after talking alot about miscarriage – said I had to consider how I wanted to give birth … I said “painlessly” rather lamely as was a bit overwelmed at being asked that straight after the doom talk … but doom quickly returned:
Dr: “due to the high risk to yourself and of still birth to the baby we wouldn’t suggest you go full term, so we would probably aim to induce you a few weeks before your due date, having said that this often puts the body under pressure, and at your age, would probably lead to an emergency caesarian. So, we would suggest just scheduling in an elective caesarian and doing it like that”
Me: “so a paddling pool in the garden is out of the question”
Dr: (glaring) “well if that’s what you really want … but we wouldn’t recommend you put yourself and your baby at risk”
so it all seemed a bit pointless asking what I wanted then to be told what was good for me (and would save me and The Spaniard from death and destruction)
anyway – all felt a bit far away and weird to think about at the same time as being told to come back for a scan in the miscarriage clinic on Sunday morning at 9.30 (their scanner was broken apparently) … so now I feel a bit back in limboland waiting for Sunday… and feeling very very tired and few up after very little sleep last night and too much arguing.
I’ve done alot of resting .. and will continue to do so … but that needs to be backed up with a bit of humour and fun.
So … some jollity please … having slept for 4 hours this afternoon I am going to see a rubbishy girlie movie with Lizi this evening before a huge nights sleep at Mum’s house.
Thanks for the comments, the ‘keep resting’ nags, the thoughtful texts and tweet messages … all very appreciated during this very odd and very lonely time.
Told you it was a blue day …
Right .. off for the 4 hour snooze and hope to wake up more cheery … sorry to be so glum … please get praying, dancing naked under the rain, willing positive energy or whatever it is you do for tomorrow morning … and for our little Spaniard to be weathering the storm and hanging on in there. I was a bit sick finally yesterday morning and was so happy … but since last night nothing but dull ache …
anyway – happy Saturday wherever you are …
off I go feeling very Eeyore and very un Tigger.