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Out of sorts

March 25, 2012

Poor Hope is still out of sorts … not feeding properly, not sleeping deeply (during the day) and generally isn’t a happy little person. It’s all rather distressing … we’ve tried  lots of cuddling, lots of breast feeding, bit of bottle feeding, going for walks, having a rest indoors, playing on baby gym, sitting in the garden, lying in the pram under a tree, driving in the car and it generally ends in a massively upset tummy and crying with the occasional sleep thrown in but the sleep is on the whole shattered by an anguished yelp from Hope.

I think it’s just her getting over the horrors of the lumbar punctures and the tests and so on in hospital and getting rid of her ailments and probably that combined with the aftermath of the vile yellow antibiotic syringes I feed to her 3 x daily … poor little soul she really is not herself. If not better by tomorrow I shall get back in touch with the ward. I am out of sorts from lack of sleep, in me it manifests itself as a cold sore, tired eyes, frizzy hair and spots (gosh I’m gorgeous) and I feel pretty wiped out so I guess she must feel the same, and she somehow seems more anxious and fearful alot of the time – perhaps afraid that someone will come from the shadows to give her another spinal tap.

The only positive is that she still knows that, at night, when I swaddle her and put her in her Moses basket it is sleep time … and although she has become a bit attached to her ‘thumby’ (thanks to Heidi for the much better name for a dummy or soother … I think something to do with a Dutch translation – her husband being from just outside Amsterdam) since hospital, she only sucks on it for a bit before it falls out and she drifts off. I never thought I’d allow my child one but there really are benefits and right now if it comforts her and alleviates her distress then that’s alright with me.

The time changed – we haven’t really taken much notice as we were already so disrupted … but it did mean our evening walk with the wonderful big pram was a bit later – lovely to have lighter evenings on the horizon.

Right then – time for bed and to pray that tomorrow brings Hope a bit more happiness and me a few less nappy changes … and thanks to the good people in Toppings Book Sellers in Ely and the Kids Barn in Kneesworth for allowing me to change not just her nappy but her clothes on their premises over the weekend.

Off I creep – she’s asleep now so I should be too.

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