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Even mushier brained now!

June 7, 2012

I was just pondering the last year and wondering when it was that I actually set this blog up … I hunted through the now massive archive (I don’t know if I’m proud of that or a bit shocked by quite how much I’ve burbled on) and found that was on June 1st 2011 … a little over a year ago. was my first entry … the day I wrote it the little embryonic Spaniard was 26 days old, today, or rather tonight I have just tucked up a 22 week old baby, my little miracle Hope.

I can’t believe she’s here, and I can’t believe she’s ever not been … all at the same time … it’s quite extraordinary. This time last year I was shell shocked and overwhelmed and utterly petrified of losing the baby and also of having it. Me a selfish, stubborn 47 year old, pregnant? Not possible … but it was, I was and now look at me a muddled besotted 48 year old mother … I’ve just booked to go to Brit Mums Live (a conference for Mothers who blog) rather than going up to Manchester and camping out all night to make sure I get on the front rail bang in the middle of the stage to see Bruce Springsteen. What’s happened to me? Have I grown up or something???? Oh my word!

The answer to the question above is actually no I haven’t. I still spent Saturday dressed as a fairy and spent Monday over excitedly driving round Cambridge hunting for Jubilee fairs and waving flags as children with Union Jacks on their faces fell over in the sack race, I’m not sure I’ll ever grow up … grow older yes, achy knees and rubbish eyesight are going to cause poor Hope to constantly say, “Hurry up Mother” or “Oh I’ll read the menu” as she realises how decrepit I am … but growing up … surely not and don’t call me Shirley. But, and I know you shouldn’t start a sentence with but, BUT I do now have a small person to consider and while there will I’m sure be numerous nights spent in queues to get to the front of concerts when she’s a bit older, and maybe even a toddler in ear defenders at some point, it doesn’t seem quite the right thing to do at this moment in time… she is only 5 months old after all!

Having said that I needed to be doing something interesting and different at the same time the concerts were happening to stop me from sulking and missing friends and magical musical nights and so when I was first made aware of the Brit Mums event it seemed just the ticket. It might even improve my ramblings you never know, or maybe some publisher will give me a squillion pound book deal in manner of numerous Shades of Grey. Doubtful I know as I am scared of the very idea of a riding crop let alone anything more racy, but anyway, it will be fun (I think in a slightly gawky nervous sort of way) to meet other blog writers and to just see what it’s all about… and I am going to the Springsteen show in London in July, and maybe the one in Oslo possibly, maybe … well probably not but I still like to think it could happen.

ANYWAY … so here I am a year on wondering what on earth to wear to a Mummy blogger conference rather than ironing my bandana and hunting out a marker pen to write requests for songs on random bits of cardboard.

I am, as I keep on saying, the luckiest person on the planet. My girl, my perfect girl is here, is thank God and touch wood, healthy, happy and thriving … all those nay sayers last year sapping away at my confidence with their, “It’ll never work” comments about my pregnancy were, I know, only trying to protect me but they did slowly chip away at my confidence and it has taken a while to get back to where I was before it all started.

Not really sure what this post is about (sorry) but I just wanted to mark the fact that this blog is now just over a year old and with something like 165 posts (sorry again).

Now I had better get to bed, taking Hope to the baby clinic tomorrow to be weighed … at about the same time as she was born 22 weeks ago … she really seems to have grown this last few weeks so we’ll see.

Hope chortled today for the first time, it was wonderful … we had lunch with a Lord, well he is a Lord even though I just think of him as Jim Knight the former Rural Minister and Education Minister and fellow fan of late nights and Billy Bragg. Today Hope was put in her vest (which she hated) and her pretty dress (which she loved chewing) and taken out to dine (in a pub) with a Lord. He made her smile and tickled her toes, and when she and I got home afterwards and I was changing her nappy and chatting to her about lunch, I nibbled her toes and she let out a delighted chortle, it was wonderful. Just the one mind you, she’s not as over the top with her enthusiasm as I am, but it was the most precious sound I have ever heard and caused me to burst into tears.

Who’d have believed it … on June 7th last year I certainly didn’t dare to even imagine it was possible

Then on June 8th last year I saw my baby’s tiny heartbeat for the first time. The Spaniard, the beginning of Hope was 4.7mm long and had the tiniest most insistent heart beat … and my miracle, and this blog started to grow.

Right then it’s late and I should be asleep as my miraculous Hope will be waking me up chatting to her feet and the little bit of ribbon that dangles in at the side of her basket in not very long at all… and that’s alright with me.

I wonder though how small they make ear defenders …

One Comment leave one →
  1. June 7, 2012 2:07 am

    It’s been a joy following your adventure into Mummyhood, Ellie. Hope is a precious wonder. Thank you for sharing treasured moments together.

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