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The rough with the smooth

October 18, 2012

Lovely morning here in Southern California and Hope is upstairs having a mid morning nap … I’m watching a hummingbird and looking out over gum trees, bright bougenvillia and Auntie Clare’s pool … it is quite wonderful and such a privilege to have the chance to be here. I am very lucky.

However… yes I know … grammar gone out of the window again … there are times even here in paradise when things are a bit tough.

Wonderful Clare lends me her car most days and ‘carpools’ with a friend to work which means Hope and I can get out and about and see friends and explore the area … this is great and we’ve had so much fun but it is all very tiring when you are on your own … most of the people I know out here are up to 2 hours drive away on freeways … endless freeways involving lots of concentration from me and not much fun for Hope in her hated car seat. I love the different radio stations and seeing the different districts but in order to miss rush hour we end up watching sunsets a long way away which means getting back late … gosh I sound wingey … it isn’t my intention but I thought it worth mentioning that it isn’t all fun and jolly japes incase you were getting too jealous.

Things that are hard or that I struggle with on my own:

1 – getting Hope in and out of the car seat. My auto immune disorder means that my joints hurt most of the time and aren’t as flexible as they might have been a few years back so leaning in and out and reaching behind the front seat (Clare has a convertible) is really difficult particularly as Hope hates being strapped in.

2 – getting her out of the car and into the buggy (which tips up if you hang anything on the back of it)

3 – getting everything done well (or some days at all) … work … writing … playtime for Hope … preparing and having proper mealtimes for Hope … R&R for me (lowest priority!) … tidying up and so on … all hard with a small person but especially without places to put her that she will enjoy and are safe (although we have converted Clare’s ottoman / pouffe thing into a small play nest) … I always feed torn town the middle and stretched … more so than at home and this is where I know I sound grumbly and silly, but more so than at home because always out of the window is the lovliest of pools just tempting me saying, “ha, you can’t come and play”, (not without Hope anyway) and sun loungers and a book laughing in my face saying, “nope we’re not for you any more) …

4 – going to the beach … fine if I put Hope in the carry pouch (but that then takes alot of putting on and taking off and gets very very hot for both of us) … dragging a push chair / buggy / stroller, call it what you will, backwards across the sand full of a small wriggly soul and all the beach stuff really is hard work and then when we’re there I obviously can’t go for a swim as I can’t leave Hope alone on the beach … we play together in the waves which she utterly adores and fills me with absolute joy but I do desperately miss the chance to dive into the waves and actually have s swim.

a 10 minute push chair drag to get to our spot on the beach

5 – nipping out to buy something … the whole getting in and out of the car and subsequent pain in joints and unsettling time for her makes going to several locations harder

6 – lack of sleep … she isn’t sleeping through the night at the moment … bloody teeth still not appearing but clearly hurting alot … so most nights at least one long feed or snuggle between midnight and 5am which seems to be her regnlar ‘wake up’ time … the other night I fed her, settled her and then nipped out to the loo and thought I’d closed the door properly … obviously not, one of Clare’s cats had snuck into the room unbeknown to me and woke me up playing with the blinds several times before I found him and ejected him .. that woke her up and I think both of us ended up with less than 3 hours sleep that night

7 – I can’t remember what 7 was to be and Hope has just woken up so will have to zip up and fetch her and finish this later …

anyway, you get the drift … many of the ‘issues’ are day to day things self employed and other mothers face on a daily basis and others are personal to me … all against the backdrop of the most glorious weather …
so … having lost any sympathy I might have ever had I’m off to fetch my girl, wash us both, get us both dressed, head out to the shops (several of them) and for a walk on the beach (with the carry pouch) … and pack our lucnh … sorry if this all sounds self pitying or grumpy … I am happy, so very happy but just wanted to say it isn’t all straightforward and for all the wonderful joyful fun I am having there are lonely tiring times when I do wish we weren’t over here on our own … but we are and we are so fortunate to have such a fabulous opportunity. I don’t have to go and see so many people or have quite the experiences we’ve been having but I want to, and in order to do all that being tired, looking like a wary banshee and feeling constantly achy is a small price to pay. The most important thing is that Hope is happy, which she is and that we are both so so lucky to have a wonderful friend like Auntie Clare.

Shutting up now …

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One Comment leave one →
  1. October 19, 2012 8:37 pm

    Sounds like you are having such a wonderful time – and you are allowed to grump – mothering is hard work too! X.

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