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In reality

March 10, 2013

it’s cold and sleeting outside, but we had a wonderful morning at church… Hope emptied a bucket of crayons during children’s church and we helped hand out bunches of daffodils to everyone to celebrate Mothering Sunday. As ever the warmth there and the love was tangible and we left feeling nurtured and cared for. We took flowers to my father’s grave and some as well for the little soul I miscarried a few years ago, the little person would have been 6 years old now. Then we took some flowers around to one of Granby’s friends who has been a bit poorly and is away from her family for Mothering Sunday. Then we three came back home to the smell of roast pork … Hope fast asleep, and Granby busy arranging flowers in various jugs and jam jars.

Hope obviously hasn’t yet sussed Mother’s Day!!! Bless her every smile she gives me is the most precious gift and the fact that she crawled up the aisle again in church this morning, that she pulled my hair in bed earlier (at about 5am) and shouted “Wheeeeee” as she tugged and waved it and the fact that as I write she is sitting on floor beside me dancing in her own inimitable fashion (to Pete Seeger singing This Land Is Your Land) just makes me happy. I’ve been showered with wishes through Facebook and from phone calls from friends … spending the time with my mother and Hope is more than I could wish for. Well that’s not strictly true, Hope’s father has gone to visit his own mother today which is absolutely where he should be as she is in hospital. He did send a text about road closures this morning and did put a ‘happy mother’s day’ message in it regarding my spending the day with Granby. Maybe I’m selfish but for once I’d love to have him acknowledge my being Hope’s mother and say well done or perhaps send a card pretending it was from Hope. I cried last Mother’s Day  (Hope gave me a box for receipts) and again this Mother’s Day … for me it should be about being a family as well …

so there you have it, the utter inexorable joy I have with Hope and spending time with my mother is tempered by sadness at not being ‘mothered’ myself … I could do with it sometimes. That’s not being selfish though I am sure it will come across that way, it’s just fact, it is hard work, very hard work and exhausting looking after a little person on your own and tending to her needs.

Anyway, I am more blessed than so many people and I cherish and adore every minute with my girl and know how very lucky I am … just from time to time it would be nice to have a lie in or to feel special.

Right time to go and get the roast pork out of the oven … yummy, and tonight we get to spend the evening with one of her Godmothers who has just run a marathon in the snow … she really is an inspiration.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 10, 2013 3:45 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day Ellie. You aren’t selfish at all……..perhaps you have to have a little chat with hopes daddy and explain that you need a bit of love too.i remember after my daughter was born ( age 7) now and it was my birthday when she was just over a month old. My husband got nothing for my birthday and after many years of trying to conceive I was so excited about getting a birthday card with mummy on it…..when I didn’t get it, I was so tearful and told him how I felt (in not a very tactful way!!!!). Men don’t always think about the emotions like we do and they just have to be told!!! He hasn’t let me down since then by the way. Xxx

    • March 12, 2013 1:05 pm

      thanks Helen that made me smile … thank you … and the sun is out today and, well, anyone lucky enough to be blessed with a small person has so very much to be grateful for x

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