Adrenaline and chocolate
Lordy what a week …
the stress, sadness, relief, joy, chocolate, hospital corridors and fresh air have all merged into one somehow but two little lights are shining brightly.
Hope had her kidney scan and bladder scan today, bless her, we had to hang around in the hospital for ages and she got a bit hot and flushed (but not grumpy) and then they smeared cold gel on her back and she did get fractious but only fleetingly … both her kidneys and her bladder were fine which was a huge relief. We headed home via the park where she sat and gazed in wonder at the blue sky and shouted “Whee” very joyfully as she swung. I’m not surprised she was relieved, I was too … talking of relief she’d spent over an hour and a half perched on a pudding basin between my thighs as I breast-fed her this morning and we waited patiently for her to do a wee … she sat and she sat and she read her little book and then suddenly she did a very neat poo in the bowl and then of course when I was swapping bowls over she did a wee which I missed so we had to wait and wait for another to come but we got there in the end. Not one of the more wonderful or expected bits of motherhood and I defy anyone to try and work out the best way to catch a babies urine sample short of designing a special pair of ‘catch all’ pants. Anyway, the sample tested clear so that with the clear scans all seems good news, we have to have a phone consultation with the doctor tomorrow and finish the evil hated antibiotics but other than that Hope is pretty much back to normal and happy and relaxed as always … so that’s light one shining very brightly.
Light two is somehow more miraculous … Roy’s mother was terribly poorly last week and the family were advised that there wasn’t anything left that the doctors could do for her so all her sustenance tubes were withdrawn and the expectation was that she would drift away in her sleep … but then – at almost the same time as Hope, Granby and I went to the Good Friday Salvation Army hot cross buns and contemplation of the cross and we all prayed and prayed for her, she came too and told Roy it was good to see him. They must be good those Sally Army prayers …
We hadn’t been able to go to see her due to Hope being poorly and the fact that there was norovirus on her ward, but on Saturday, Hope was that much stronger so we headed down and her cousin took her for a walk while I went in to visit … we chatted, I helped her to eat a small tube of ice cream and told her how beautiful she is, she told me I was a “softie”. She’s carried on getting stronger from then and is now able to sit in a chair and carry a full conversation again. How it all happened really does seem miraculous and this bit of time has been very precious … now everyone is concentrating on feeding her up and helping her regain strength. Hope’s Granny also celebrated a very big birthday with her children and a balloon something that seemed unimaginable only 4 days earlier.
In amongst all that was Easter Sunday … Hope found 3 Easter eggs and a pack of chocolate buttons in the garden and ate a huge amount of chicken breast and broccoli for her supper and enjoyed church as well. The service started with our favourite hymn (and I say that with certainty), at the end of the hymn, Hope clapped loudly and shouted, “Wheeeeeee” … she then proceeded to crawl round the church and was spoilt rotten by everybody all of whom were concerned at how pale she was looking.
I’ve been trying to work, keep up with washing (piles of it), bills, life and so on and really am not quite sure how I got through the last week … there were days when I felt totally stressed about the idea of having to give her the medicine so often, I hated the wars and the battles and she so obviously did too … but then the suppository breakthrough came … for the paracetamol not the antibiotics but that at least halved the trauma. The sun came out as well and Hope spent a few hours with her child minder and I had a walk on my own … I love love love being with Hope but this walk really was special; able to swing my arms rather than be pushing a pram or a buggy, able to walk through the mud by the river and then to sit on the ground leaning up against a post with my eyes closed face toward the sun .. it was so restorative. I also had some amazing love from some remarkable friends one of whom turned up with her husband and instructed me to go and “do something” while they played with Hope … I came and wrote and did some tidying up but it was great to know she was happy downstairs and also that her Granby was resting … the house felt very peaceful and contented that afternoon.
I think it was adrenaline that got me through, that and the fact that you have to (don’t you?) … that and chocolate. I never liked chocolate much before I was pregnant … I ate it but not in a guzzling frenzied kind of a way … now I’m breastfeeding I’m constantly in need of either chocolate or salty cheese … Easter provided both … but the sunshine means that I’ve been able to be out walking every day for 2 hours … I’ve missed that and it’s calmed, relaxed and soothed me.
So … there you are … Hope’s little light shines ever brighter, her Granny’s light continues to shine determinedly and and and the sun is now shining too … and I’ve got some Easter chocolate still to eat!
What a week!