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A personal shopper

October 30, 2015

Taking a small person shopping is always an adventure, and often hard work … but frequently extremely funny as the honest and insightful observations can be very to the point!

I hate shopping, I’m bad at it, it makes me anxious and frankly the hoovering (which is done very rarely) is more appealing.

Anyway, if I need to go shopping I always end up taking small person with me as wasting work time during her nursery days seems too indulgent … so, a week or so back I tore a hole in my last intact bra so decided I needed a new one. I bought it a few years back and was awed by the assistance in Bravissimo so I headed back there again, I figured they sell bras that are built to last and built to stand small person abuse, and it wasn’t a stressful place to shop.

She came in with me, we were ushered down to the changing rooms and the lovely Amy headed off to find something suitable. Small person decided it was time for milky, seeing as my chest was exposed … she then stopped abruptly as Amy reappeared draped with lacy underwear and very carefully inspected every item.

“try that one Mama”, “no that not good”, “I want you have pretty bra like Auntie Annie”, “Yes that nice colour”, “I don’t like that bow”, “Milkies not like being in that bra get it off”.

Amy ran too and fro as we sorted through and tried on a lace mountain. Small one slurped and supervised in equal measure … the whole thing was exhausting!

We got there in the end and she pronounced to the assistant who took payment that, “my milkies will be happy in their new bra, my Mummy has big milkies you know” … so it was with a flushed face that I fled out into the street.

I should have learnt from the experience … but I didn’t! I noticed that my leg hair was down to my ankles and that generally my lower region resembled that of a baboon … we’re going swimming fairly regularly now so I decided I needed a wax, not a big one, I’m not into those, but a general tidy up seemed in order.

We went to playgroup and afterwards, she bribed with a magazine full of pink stickers, we found a place to get me pruned and plucked. Turned out they only took cash so we had to walk out back to the bank to the cash point.

We bumped into a friend, a male friend, a few yards along the road. He gave her a hug, kissed me on the cheek and asked what we were up to, “oh just a bit of shopping, nothing much”, I started to say … then she piped up, “my mummy is getting waxed, she’s getting her fanny waxed … she has a hairy bottom, Stacey is going to wax it all better”…

I have never blushed so much in all my life … “oh yes relaxing is so important”, I mumbled in a desperate effort to distract her and to make him think he’d misheard what she’d said. “Yes, my Mummy is having her bottom waxed”, she continued, “and I have a magazine”. I couldn’t make eye contact with him, and he didn’t know what to say or where to look!

“Right then, come on little one, let’s go to the bank”, I shoved her forward along the road waving goodbye as we went.

I couldn’t stop giggling after that and have been anxious ever since about what she was going to say … thankfully the excitement seems to be past and she’s not told anyone else!

Not quite sure what to say next time I run into him though!!


A book … a prize … a possibility?

October 29, 2015

So … I wrote a book, it took an age and I never dreamt it would be published … it was, in May 2015, it sold out in a few weeks and then kept on selling, hardback and paperback …

and then, it was selected as a contender for the People’s Book Prize … all publishers are invited to submit their new books, a few are selected each season, in different categories …

Milky Moments, my book, was chosen in the Autumn selection … alongside 7 other contenders

The whole thing is open to a public vote … think X factor, think American Idol, think Strictly or Dancing with the Stars … people have to vote, not on the phone but online … then at the end of each season, the 3 most popular books go through to the final which is in May.

So … vote, please please please vote … getting to the final would be the most impossible dream come true … and it will also help bring the normalizing of breastfeeding for children and in children’s literature much more into the mainstream media who currently consider the book “too niche” to review.

You have to register, which takes a minute or so, they then email you a confirmation (mine went to spam filter), and then you can vote … you can either comment along with the vote, or just vote

Thank you thank you thank you thank you… any and all votes appreciated (one per email address)… and any encouraging of friends, family, lovers, neighbours, children, random passers by to vote as well would be hugely appreciated.

Sorry to ask like this but a huge huge deal for a little book and a first time author!

O & X

October 1, 2015

We’ve been playing noughts and crosses (tic tac toe) for a while now.

Her auntie gave her a little wooden board with pleasing red circles and solid black X’s on little wooden squares to slot in … we play differently most times … sometimes we build a tower of alternate colours, other times just race to see who can put their colour on the board fastest and other times we take turns and if a line comes it’s exciting but fairly random.

Today we played it properly … and she won.

I sat and explained the rules, showed her the way the lines work and we talked about diagonal lines.

Then we started … she watched, thought about it and then put down her pieces. The first time I won, she was thoughtful for a while, “we play again Mama”, and that was it … next 4 games she wiped the floor with me. I didn’t try to lose, I played to win and she walloped me!!

“Ok Mama, you must practise I think! We have breakfast now … tomorrow we play again and you can have the goodness and I’ll have the naughtiness” … then I realised I’d referred to the game as noughts and crosses for the first time rather than circles and crosses … and this was her spin on that, “Mama if I have the naughtiness for you then maybe you win next time”.

I love this small person… and she’s right, I must practise!

her rationale …

September 9, 2015

She’s started rationalising why she does or doesn’t want to do things … why she was mischievous, why she got cross, why she was happy … really just WHY?

Read more…

She saved and she saved

September 1, 2015
proud in her goggles

for the last six weeks she’s been saving.

Well that’s not strictly true, she’s been saving for the last two years… every penny she picks up, every note or coin she’s given, they all go into her piggy bank, her hand painted and very loved pink pank (as she calls it), or the rabbit pank … a hand painted glazed rabbit with a slot in the top. Every now and again we go to the bank and we deposit money into her account. It’s always an adventure, and the receipts are kept like golden tickets as special treasures.

So she’s been saving for ages, but for the last weeks it’s been for something particular. Read more…

Let it be known …

August 17, 2015

Let it be known, that from here on in a pachyderm (and more specifically the one with the trunk) will officially be known as an EFFALUNT…

most of her funny terms for things (well the ones she started when she was two), have gone and been replaced by the proper word, but effalunt seems to have embedded itself into all of our vocabularies … the word elephant sounds all wrong now.

She’s also changed the way I greet people who I’ve met at least once before, no more, “hello how are you?” or “long time no see” or even, “who are you?”

now it’s an exuberant point of my index finger directly at them and

“It’s you again!”

This is quite the best form of greeting and one she’s taken to the next level in terms of making people smile, of opening conversations and of getting over awkward introductions.

How long is long enough?

August 5, 2015
I wrote this for the Keep Britain Breastfeeding Scavenger Hunt 2015 around their theme of Extended Breastfeeding.

Read more…